How to Be a Movie Star by T.J. Klune ☆

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5starsplus

“I— I wish I could see things like you do.”
“But then you wouldn’t see things like you do,” Josy said. “And then there would be two of me and none of you, and that wouldn’t be so good.”
“It wouldn’t?”
“Nope. Because I like you just the way you are.”

Title: How to Be a Movie Star
Author: T.J. Klune
Series: How to Be #2
Number of pages: 350 (kindle edition)
Good things about this book: Perfection, nothing to add
Bad things about this book: I said PERFECTION.
Do I recommend it? Of course, I love Klune’s books.
Rate: 5/5+++

Read the summary and add this book on Goodreads: here

“Sometimes you need to hide away from the rest of the world. And it’s okay to do that, just as long as you don’t forget the world is waiting for you when you’re done.”

All the stars, all of them!

ALL HAIL TJ KLUNE!!

I laughed so much, cried, smiled like crazy! This book was everything I expected and more, so much more!!! I’ll have to listen to the audiobook just like I did with How To Be A Normal Person. I need more of all these characters, I already miss them. The four text messages at the end?? How perfect were they???? My heart is exploding with joy!

There isn’t much to say about this book. It’s about a bearded demisexual stoner hipster who wants to be a movie star, and while he is working on his dream he falls in friendship with a monster porn author that’s more anxiety than man. I read one chapter and I already loved EVERYTHING about this book.

If everyone just talked about what they were feeling instead of hiding it, things would be so much easier. Miscommunication is such a waste of time.

It was so honest, so true. Josy is the sweetest characters I’ve seen in books in a very long time, if not ever. He may not be “normal” in the weird way people qualifies who is normal and who isn’t, but there isn’t anything wrong with him. He is sincere, he says what he thinks when he thinks it, he tries his best and doesn’t give up. He made a family for himself when the one he was born into decided he was too much to handle.

All the characters were essential to this story, to make it as relatable as it was, as hilarious, important and amazing! Quincy and his mental health, Gustavo and his adventures with the internet (OMG the phone call to the customer service was gold!), Casey and his unconditional love, even Casanova Xander. All of these characters, all of them, gave me so much joy. I was smiling so much. I laughed so much that my mom kept saying “wow, it’s really funny that book I see”. Yes, mother, it is.

“We should go to the church treasure hunt,” Josy blurted. “It’s nondenominational. Yay Jesus!” Quincy stared at him. Casey turned slowly to look at Gustavo, eyes narrowing. Gustavo nodded sagely. “Sounds about right.”

I recommend it to the masses! Pick this book!! Pick all of TJ Klune’s books. This is coming from someone who still needs to read the Green Creek series. But I will, SOON!! Read it!!

firmablog

A Wish Upon the Stars by T.J. Klune ☆

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5starsplus

We turn to you, the boy we lost, your body now littered with scars. We know what your bravery cost, and for you we wish upon these stars.

Title: A Wish Upon the Stars
Author: T.J. Klune
Series: Tales From Verania #4
Number of pages: 450 (kindle edition)
Good things about this book: Everything. I’m telling you, EVERYTHING.
Bad things about this book: Nothing. It was hard to say goodbye but it also feels good.
Do I recommend it? Yes! Yes! Yes!
Rate: 5+++/5
☆: It made my “favourite books” list

Read the summary and add this book on Goodreads: here

BEWARE! This review will contain spoilers of the previous books and spoilers of this book because I must say things and the things I must say are spoilery.

This book deserves more than 5 stars and this series deserves at least a million stars. AT LEAST! I’ll say maybe 2 billion stars, maybe more. I have loved everything about it, everything: frustration and all. I have not loved a series as much as I’ve loved this one. Sure, you know how easily I give 5 stars to books but maybe it is because I read books I know I will like so the probability of a full star review is pretty high. I seem to know how to avoid books that make me mad but, alas, I have read a few that I wish I could forget completely but still haunt my everyday life. You know who you are, books, you know it and you should be ashamed of yourselves!

“How are you still alive?” Dimitri asked me.
“Sheer force of will,” I said cheerfully.

A Wish Upon the Stars is the fourth and last book of the Tales from Verania saga. I have read four magnificent books about a boy who happens to be a wizard apprentice and who, apparently, doesn’t know when to shut up. The things Sam says are things of beauty and perversion. Maybe more of perversion if I’m being honest and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Sam is a magical boy with feelings and so much love to give. Sam is also a very sexual being and he will make sure you don’t have any doubts about it. I have read things that had made me gasp, laugh, cringe and also made me horny. Sam and I, we are alike. The only difference is that he has a hunk of a boyfriend while me, well, I’m single and the world has decided I will remain that way until the day I die.

The third book ended on a very sad note; Morgan was murdered and Ryan was badly hurt. Our Sam made the only decision he thought was right so he ran away to the Dark Woods to join the Great White and the other dragons to train. Eleven, I repeat, eleven months later he resurfaces from his “training camp”, disheveled and with bushy eyebrows, more powerful than ever, now a wizard, and more scared of facing the ones he left behind that the super villain who wants to consume him and kill them all.

“I promise you, when I was in the woods, looking up at the stars, there is nothing I wished for more than you.”

I was scared, too. San ran away leaving only letters not really explaining where he was going or for how long. Gary and Tiggy were super mad, Sam’s parents grounded him for eternity, Justin was uncharacteristically huggy, and Ryan was furious for very valid reasons. I would also be super mad if the love of my life went away who knows where for who knows how long telling me to wait patiently. How dare he leave me? That’s not okay. Luckily, Sam returned with more magic and Ryan has a kink for magic so things resolved quite quickly and quite steamily. I saw a side of Ryan I liked, a new side of him I like because I already liked him a lot.

“Lady Tina,” I said. “How unfortunate that you didn’t pass beyond the veil overnight. I expected more from you.”

Sam feels a bit left out in this new dynamic, having been almost a year away while the world kept going without him. Two of his arch-nemesis are now all lovey-dovey with his friends. Lady Tina DeSilva is second in command to Ryan and Sam hates it. I would hate it, too. She was the bane of his existence for the last books. Okay, she repented, had a change of heart, etc etc. But she did unnecessary things. I wouldn’t forget and forgive that easily.

“I had a vision you would say that,” Vadoma said, the bangles on her wrists knocking together. “I have many visions about everything you say. None of them are good.”

Then we have Vadoma, the one who put Ruv in our Sam’s way, maybe also contributing to the fall of Morgan. Yeah, she was sort of bewitched by Ruv, but still, she was rude and that’s not okay. You don’t get to be rude to Sam because he’s precious and needs protection.

“There were spiders when Dad showed me the first time,” he mumbled. “I don’t like spiders.”
“Ah,” I said wisely. “It’s a good thing you’ve got us, then, eh? And by us, I mean Ryan, because I also don’t like spiders, so he can go first and scare them all away and make sure we don’t get bitten and die.”

The book has one main mission and two side missions. The one super important mission is to use the dragons to kill Myrin, of course. The two side missions are to retrieve Gary’s horn and to save the King from the Castle’s dungeons where he’s kept captive. They do get the horn after saving the King and they meet Randall again, and guess what, he had the horn and the story of how he tracked is something else. Randall is a phenomenal character and I love him and his old hairy face! The “ceremony” of reattaching Gary’s horn is one I will never forget. I keep picturing Sam bad touching the horn while it leaked rainbow fluid, and then putting it on Gary and Gary sort of evolving, all majestic and posing and with his ego so much bigger than before you didn’t think it could be possible.

“Gary Matthias Pontificus Esmerelda Juanita Lopez Alabaster Kennedy the Fourth!”

Gary’s full name. I’m so glad we know it now!

I haven’t found the kind of comedy T.J. Klune writes with any other author. It’s overwhelming. I think you love it or you hate it, there’s no in-between. I love it with all my heart. He mixes hilarious moments with moments full of sentiment capable of breaking your heart and, trust me, your heart will certainly break. Mine broke so many times since book 1. I’ve lost count. He plays with your feelings but you hang in there because he is so clever, he knows it, and he’ll do the story justice and you won’t be mad at him (so much). He knows he’ll make you hate him a little bit and I know he grins evilly when no one is watching because he knows all will be forgiven by the end of the books. You magnificent manipulator! You have a special place in my heart.

“He reminds me of you,” he told Randall. “Stubborn. Indignant. Mouthy. He speaks before he thinks and is more likely to ignore my orders than to actually follow them.”
I would have objected, but that was pretty much all true.

I’m realizing I didn’t spoil much of the book so now I’m going to list my favourite parts so this will become a real spoilerful review:

1- Sam promising himself that he’ll find a boyfriend for Justin and us maybe getting in the future a book from Justin’s pov with his own romantic adventures
2- Ryan proposing like the cheesy boy he truly is and being all heart-eyes for Sam even when he was angry with him. But of course you can’t stay angry with Sam; have you look at him? He’s adorable.
3- Sam wooing the guards promising slutty things was beautiful and so cringe worthy I’m still thinking about how slutty he truly is. And I’m loving it. I loved every second of that scene. And I loved how jealous Ryan got because his man is loved by many. Too many!
4- Sam using the ability to change his and other people’s appearances to make Lady Tina the ugliest man in existence. It was hilarious! And he made Justin bald. Sam, why are you doing this to me? Tears, I had tears rolling down my face it was almost poetic.
5- Randall asking a little too many times if someone had a reason for Sam and Ryan not to get married got me laughing hard. Randall is precious and his story with Myrin was so sad; he deserved to be loved more, to be chosen over power, not to be left behind. Myrin, you suck.
6- Terry, Gary’s twin brother wanting Ryan to “ride him”, if you know what I mean!!
7- Morgan of Shadows. Morgan of freaking Shadows to complete the happy ending we truly deserved. We suffered so much and that was our reward.

With this list, this long and probably incomprehensible review gets to an end just like this series. I’m sad, of course, but I’m also happy because I don’t have to wonder if they’re okay and happy. I know they are. They will have bad days, they will have to face adversities, probably random kidnappings, but they will be victorious. They have each other, they have love and they are loved. There’s really nothing that puts a bigger smile on my face than seeing all of them, Sam, Ryan, Gary, Tiggy, Justin, Morgan, Randall, Sam’s parents, the King, be as happier as they can be in a world that wanted to put a destiny set in stone in their way. But stone crumbles, right? It sure did. Stone crumbled and if it didn’t, I was ready to magically teleport myself inside the book and punch it until it did. I was going to get my happy ending one way or the other.

“I’m in control of my own destiny. My path may have been set in stone, but stone crumbles, and sometimes we have to forge our own way through.”

Farewell Verania. You’ll be missed, and if we’re going to meet again I hope it’s not very far in the future. I can wait, though, because I know it’ll be worth it.

firmablog

The Consumption of Magic by T.J. Klune ☆

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5starsplus

“Because it’s always been you, Sam. I promise. I promise. I promise, because when I look upon these stars, there is nothing I wish for more than you.”

Title: The Consumption of Magic
Author: T.J. Klune
Series: Tales From Verania #3
Number of pages: 450 (kindle edition)
Good things about this book: Everything and, let me think….everything.
Bad things about this book: Bad things were bound to happen and they happen.
Do I recommend it? Of course, 500% yes!
Rate: 5+++/5
☆: It made my “favourite books” list

Read the summary and add this book on Goodreads: here

Every single emotion you can think of, I experienced it. Now I just feel empty yet a little bit hopeful. I knew what was coming; it didn’t prepare me for what really went down. I have so many doubts. I’m afraid. I can hardly wait for spring for the last book to be released and if I’m not getting a HEA I’m buying a ticket to wherever TJ lives and I’ll just glare at him from a distance; I’ll just glare, intensely. I cried. Not cool. How am I supposed to wait now with all the theories and paranoia I have inside my crazy brain? I guess I’ll just have to be patient as I always am. I’m too good for this world. That’s a fact.

“What are we going to do?”
“Not die!”
“Gods, I hate it when that’s your plan.”
I grinned rakishly at him. “I’m Sam of Wilds. That’s always my plan.”

If there’s something I can complain about, since this book was perfection, is that I wish TJ hadn’t told we’d hate him after the end of this book. I wish arcs weren’t given; you can’t keep your eyes from seeing the first sentences of people’s reviews and every single one of them were varieties of “how dare you TJ”. I wish we could all have jumped into this adventure blindly, enjoying every moment for the first time together. Knowing something is going to happen, even if you don’t know the details, is worse than having your heart broken out of the blue. How can I enjoy the happiness if I’m tormented by the heavy shadow of what’s to come? I know the events would’ve affected me more if I hadn’t known anything. Nonetheless I loved this book; this series is one of my favorites of all times.

“You being all protective like that with a beard is my new sexuality. Just so you know.”

Sam fought Myrin and is scarred because of it. These scars are more than they appeared. Verania is in peril and he has to go, with his merry friends, to convince the dragons to help him defeat this evil villain who is very bad and we all hate. Right? There’s no sympathizing with this villain. No way. Sam and Ryan (with a sexy beard) are still very much in love and gross about it. Gary and Kevin are trying to be a couple again and they’re being extremely gross about it. Tiggy is still very adorable and deadly. Justin has joined the group pretending to brood and whine but it’s clear how much he likes everybody. Morgan and Randall are almost secret free and we had some revelations about Randall that caught me by surprise. A lot happened in 450 pages.

We were human. We breathed. We lived. We laughed. We broke. And in the end, we loved each other down to our very souls. We moved with a strange grace, the dance of life that pushed us together, and didn’t we just cling to each other? Didn’t we just hold on as tightly as we could in fear that at any possible moment, we’d be torn away?

There was foreshadowing in the previous books and I knew things were going to be bad for a while before they could be better again. But how bad? When they were bad I was in pain; you should have seen my face, all frowns that are going to give me wrinkles, more wrinkles. Sam is keeping big secrets from his friends, his mentor and his cornerstone/lover; there was no way revealing said secrets was going to end in a party. Sam’s will to protect everyone without asking for help is not healthy and maybe he’ll understand it before it’s too late.

“The gods can say what they wish. They can set me on a path. Carve the course of my life into stone. But stone crumbles. It can fall into dust and swirl like snow in a storm. I make the choices. Sometimes they’re right. Sometimes they’re not. But even when I make mistakes, it’s because I thought I was doing the right thing.”

I don’t know how I feel. I’m both “crazy in love” and “nopenopenope”. So many things can still go wrong and they will, oh I know they will. I waited a couple of days before starting this review and it’s not going like I thought. This book made me happy and, even when it was breaking my heart, I didn’t once hate it. I didn’t want to throw my kindle out of the window. Knowing what was going to happen, not only from the prophecy of David’s Dragon but also from the many posts on social networks, made the bad event seem less than it was. I was sort of relieved; my heart didn’t break. I was in shock, yeah, sad, of course, shed a few tears, but all in all, in my mind it all made sense. Then it hit me, not that day, but the morning after. I was at work minding my own working business and I started having these flashbacks of all the scenes with that character and it happened. My heart was in my throat and I was having a hard time trying to be composed. Apparently after getting over the fake sense of relief, I was 100% heartbroken. It wasn’t the best of mornings.

“I know your heart is breaking,” he whispered to me. “But you have my word that I will help you pick up the pieces and put it back together. It may not fit together as it once did, but it will hold.”

I love TJ. His writing style is perfect because it makes me see everything; I see the whole book taking shape inside my head and it becomes a movie I can revisit whenever I want. Maybe I won’t be revisiting a couple scenes because my heart can break only so many times; I’m not a masochist. Long story short, this was everything I wanted, everything I needed, and it left me wanting more. More of these amazing characters. More of this enchanting story. More of this sense I’m left with every single time I finish reading a Klune’s book and I automatically plan a re-read. I never have enough.
I want more. Just more.

Let me conclude this review with Gary because…GARY!

“Ignore Gary,” I told the guards. “He just got done making love to the ground. You know how it is.” The guards stared at Gary. Gary stared right back at them.
“I ain’t got no shame. I do what I want.”

I LOVE HIM!

firmablog

A Destiny of Dragons by T.J. Klune ☆

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5starsplus

I was Sam of Wilds. And I was going to face my godsdamned destiny.

Title: A Destiny of Dragons (Tales From Verania #2)
Author: T.J. Klune
Good things about this book: Sam, the gang and DRAGONS!
Bad things about this book: Not enough Justin. I like the guy.
Do I recommend it? Yes, 500%.
Rate: 5+++/5
☆: It made my “favourite books” list

Read the summary and add this book on Goodreads: here

*A very quote-y review that may contain spoilers of the first book of the series. *

He did it again. Damned you, Mr. Klune, you don’t seem to be able to stop. You’re giving me feelings I didn’t know I needed. Oh my, if I needed them. Some more than others. Maybe I didn’t really need the excruciating fear of very possible loss and heartbreak but I decided to trust you; don’t you dare disappoint an innocent and bright soul like mine, it brings back very bad karma. You’ve been warned.

“You gotta trust me. I know what I’m doing.”
He frowned. “I trust you, Sam. But you never know what you’re doing.”

The more I think about this book, and its predecessor for that matter, the more I love its detailed descriptions, its funny and real characters, and its originality. There are not books like these ones. This series has everything I look for in books: magic, a main character you can’t hate even when he’s clearly being dumb, love in every shape, side characters that bring laughter and sunshine and rainbows, villains that made you fear for everyone’s life or that you simply want to slap real hard, very vague prophecies, and dragons. It has dragons. I love dragons.

“Holy shit,” Ryan said, sounding breathless. “You have a Destiny of Dragons!”

Sam has a destiny of dragons and it’s going to be a pain in the butt. I already know I’m going to suffer, that I’m going to have hope that’s going to be crushed by the cruelty of Mr. Klune if he decides to be mean and do something he is not supposed to do. I love my babies, I don’t want harm to come to them. I will do everything in my power, send positive vibes and everything, maybe light some candles, to avoid being heartbroken by the following books of this series.

“Sam is pretty good sometimes at what he does occasionally!”

^^Me, too!

Sam’s grandma, the queen of gypsies, makes a surprise visit to the castle to deliver bad news, prophecies made by constellation dragons, a new cornerstone for him, and ugly vibes. Woman, you don’t mess with Sam and Ryan’s relationship and expect to be loved by the crowd. I don’t like Vadoma; I didn’t like when she first appeared and showed weird visions to Sam, and I didn’t like her by the end of the book with her manipulations and refusal to acknowledge that, for Sam, Ryan is not only a cornerstone but also so much more. I hated how she kept saying she has never told Sam a lie, unlike others: well, of course you have not, you’ve been in his life for how long, one month? Easy for her to say that and it infuriated me so much.

“Oh, no. No, no, no. I’m onto you, exotic twink. Don’t think that I’m not.”

Ruv, the cornerstone Vadoma wants to forcefully pair with Sam, is not a bad guy; he’s being raised knowing he was going to be the other half of Sam, he doesn’t know what to do with himself now that he sees he cannot be that because of Ryan. Sam’s magic reacts to Ruv’s vicinity but what Sam has with Ryan is not something you can replace easily. I didn’t trust Ruv at the beginning, and maybe I never did in the end, but I understand him and what he’s been through, the obligations he feels he needs to follow, the responsibilities that are put upon his shoulders. I don’t blame Ruv, I don’t hate the guy, but you mess with HaveHeart and you have a new enemy in me.

“You’re the most powerful wizard in an age. I’m your cornerstone. Therefore I’m the most powerful cornerstone in an age. It’s my destiny, after all.”

Looking for the dragons to fulfill his destiny will bring Sam and company to face new enemies and new fears. The journey will be long and tortuous, there may be loss, their bodies will be at risk and their souls will waver. Sam, Ryan, Gary, Tiggy, and Kevin have each other and their bond is strong. They won’t give up easily. They have to fight for themselves and for each other. Sam needs to share the weight of his destiny or else he’ll be lost without a back up plan and with no coming back option. Sam, I beg you, open up to Ryan, to the friends you love, it’s the right thing to do.

I wanted to do what was right. I didn’t know how to do that.

The Lightning-Struck Heart was all fluff, sass, puns, a little heartbreak, and so so much love; A Destiny of Dragons is darker, more serious, and nerve-wracking; it still has all the fluff, love and sass the first one had but you won’t feel save. I didn’t. I felt like anything that could go wrong, would go wrong with nefarious results. I was never 100% sure things were going to be okay. The premises kept me from abandoning myself to the romance and comedy of the story, I felt the darkness lurking in the shadows and I didn’t relax. I couldn’t and I won’t until I read the last word of the last book.

We are better together than we ever will be apart. We are bound to each other. And nothing, nothing, will change that.

I love this book, everything about it. It gave me all the feelings, all of them. I love how cheesy Sam and Ryan are, all their kisses, double-entendre, sexy times, jokes, the softness of their love, the strength of their bond, and the absolute certainty that they won’t allow anything bad happen to one another. I want to protect them; they deserve the happiest of endings.

“And he’s blinking and looks all soft and beautiful and then he sees you and he smiles. Like all it takes for him to be the happiest he’s ever been is to see you there. Next to him. That’s… that’s what’s so great about it. That’s what it feels like.”

(Oh, my heart! I want this, Sam, I want what you and Ryan have)

I love Gary and his sassiness and I love how he is all jokes until someone wants to hurt his friends, and then he transforms into a killing machine all glares and murderous glitter! Tiggy speaks so much more allowing us to understand more about him, about the past he doesn’t want to talk about; Tiggy is all business and cuddles and I love him. A prophecy about a destiny involving dragons couldn’t make Kevin more self-centered than he already is. He is hilarious with his Shakespearian speeches and his perverted ways that make everyone feel uncomfortable. Kevin is not the only dragon around but he certainly is one of a kind.

“Sam got kissy face,” Tiggy whispered to Gary.
“Of course he does, kitten,” Gary said. “That’s what happens when you’re a slut.”

November is the month of my birthday and it’s the month the third book is going to be released. Mr. Klune, damned him, twitted saying to prepare tissues and then the tweet disappeared: does that mean tissues won’t be necessary or that I have to be prepared to lose a part of my soul? I know I won’t be ready (how can I?) but I can’t wait nonetheless.

Recommended to all. How can you not read these books? They’re great and T.J. Klune is an evil genius full of sass. 5+++ out of 5.

“My plan is to wing it.”
Ryan sighed. “Godsdammit.”

^^Perfect summary of the book

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Olive Juice by T.J. Klune

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5stars

He was sad. He knew this. He knew this more than anything else. David was sad, and he didn’t know how not to be.

Title: Olive Juice
Author: T.J. Klune
Good things about this book: It is hard and authentic.
Bad things about this book: Nothing.
Do I recommend it? Yes.
Rate: 5/5

Read the summary and add this book on Goodreads: here

I think it’s nearly impossible to write a review of this little book without spoiling it all. It has only 121 pages. It has only one long chapter. The story takes place during one evening. You start it, you finish it. There’s no other way to read and insert yourself into this book.

You ache, but you’re able to breathe. And if you can breathe, then you can take another step.

This story is sad right from the beginning. You have very little info about what happened to our mc, David; you only know that he is not well. You will have to keep reading and things will be revealed little by little. You will make a few guesses, some may be wrong, some close to the truth. All of these won’t happen without a sane dose of pain.

I shed tears. I was sad, angry, frustrated, hopeful. I had so many feelings for those two men, David and Phillip, reminiscing about a life that was not the same anymore. About something that has changed their lives forever.

He didn’t— he couldn’t run the risk of saying something he’d regret later. Because he’d already had a lifetime of regrets.

Until now I have only read humour books by T.J. Klune and I have loved every single one of them. That man has talent. I wanted to try one with a hard theme and this one, being as short as it is, was the perfect choice. I also loved that the main characters were over 50 years old; everyone deserves their story told. I didn’t regret losing sleep because I wanted to finish it. It was worth every minute spent reading it.

Since I can’t say anymore about this little jewel, I kindly invite you to buy it and read it. Prepare a couple tissues; train your heart to be strong because you will need it.

firmablog

Until You by T.J. Klune

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5stars

“It’s the gay love story of the ages. Boy meets boy, boy hits boy with his car, boy and boy get married.”

Title: Until You
Author: T.J. Klune
Good things about this book: It is perfect!
Bad things about this book: Too short and you will miss the characters.
Do I recommend it? Yes, it’s the conclusion of the perfect trilogy.
Rate: 5/5

Read the summary and add this book on Goodreads: here

The perfect wedding for the perfect couple in the perfect conclusion to the perfect book series. I’m just so happy I decided to read it. I knew I was going to do it but the covers were keeping me from doing it. I thank rebel me for going against rational and aesthetic me. I will be forever thankful. Also T.J. Klune, oh my, that man writes books I enjoy from the bottom of my heart. I have never laughed so much reading books like I do when I read something by Mr. Klune.

This book is shorter, at least by a half, than the two prequels, it doesn’t have drama, it’s hilarious, it has all the characters you love, it will make you cry, and it will make you desire a love like Paul and Vince’s. They are so perfect for each other it hurts and it’s a little bit gross; they are really cheesy. And domestic. They have a domestic kink and it’s hilarious.

“You don’t have a gun,” Sandy said, rolling his eyes.
“Vince bought a nail gun,” I said. “We’re tool owners because we’re men and we do construction projects on stuff.”

Darren and Sandy are as flirty and in love as ever. They fight all the time just to start eating their faces off soon after that. Aw, the romance! Corey/Kori has a little crush and I just want to know if their story is going to be told in the future, near future if possible. Daddy Charlie has found love in a very weird place and he’s blushing and he’s so nervous it’s adorable. The family is still the best family in the whole world: isn’t Nana the best? The answer is and always will be yes.

“What’s gay-guy stuff?” Vince asked before I could stop him.
“Oh,” Nana said. “You know. Living happily. Having nice taste. Keeping a clean home. Being successful and kind. Hosting classy dinner parties with watercress sandwiches and dry martinis. Living and laughing and loving each other.”
“Aw, Nana,” I said, surprised.
“Also butt stuff,” Nana said. “Lots and lots of butt stuff.”
“And there it is,” I said.

The wedding is upon them and they are finishing the last things before the big day. The bachelor party is one the one event that will be remembered for generations. Oh boy, Sexy Paul dancing his gay anthem? Epic! That party was source of so many tears from too much laughing. I certainly didn’t see that coming. This morning I sang Paul’s anthem at work like there’s no tomorrow. That album was also part of my generation; I could relate.

Our guests gasped again, like the drama queens they were. They acted like they’d never been to a gay wedding before where one groom launched himself at the other groom. Amateurs.

There were also happy tears during the wedding vows. I knew I was going to cry because love makes me cry. I’m a romantic. Those words hit me right in my heart and they made me so happy. They felt true and perfect and they described Paul and Vince’s love story fully. I just love those two and I will miss them so much.

“They can see you, they can see the sarcasm. They can see your sass. But I don’t think they can see your heart, your perfect, fierce heart like I can.”

Do I have a hole inside me now that this series is over? Yes, I do. Am I sad? Completely. Will I start making choices asking myself first “what would Paul/Sandy do”? Probably.
They changed me. I feel better now that I got to know them. Fictional BFFs confirmed!

I would rather have melted cheese in my mouth than a smaller waist any day of the week.

Yes, Paul, I totally agree with you!

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The Queen & the Homo Jock King by T.J. Klune

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5stars

“Thin line between love and hate and blah, blah, blah.”

Title: The Queen & the Homo Jock King
Author: T.J. Klune
Good things about this book: It is adorable and everyone is lovely. Also BRITNEY!
Bad things about this book: Nothing.
Do I recommend it? Yes, everyone should read it.
Rate: 5/5

Read the summary and add this book on Goodreads: here

Don’t ever let a book cover decide its readability! Never! Well, read the summary first, also see the ratings and maybe read one or two non-spoilery reviews, but NO, don’t refuse to give a book a chance because its cover is, I’ll just say it, kind of ugly. I have found myself in love with books with questioning covers and my reading life has been better ever since.

In the first book of this wonderful series Paul was the main character, Sandy the sidekick bff and Vince the love interest. In this equally wonderful sequel, Sandy is the main character, the sidekicks are just so many and Darren, the Homo Jock King is the love interest. Not just any love interest but Sandy’s all time nemesis.

“He was going to convince Darren to dress like Nick Carter from the Backstreet Boys for Halloween.”
“My greatest weakness,” I breathed.

We finally find out why Sandy hates Darren so much and how much of that hate it’s only the sexual tension everyone seems to have noticed. We see a lot of Sandy but also a lot of Helena, his drag queen alter ego and it is glorious. Helena says whatever she wants to say. She is bitchy, sassy and purrs quite a lot. Sandy and Helena might share the same body but they’re definitely not the same person even if Helena likes to come out to play often when Sandy is around.

“This is totally what happened. You just aren’t remembering right. Probably one too many hits on the head from when you were playing Ultimate Frisbee or whatever it is homo jocks do when they congregate.”

Sandy think of Darren as his enemy for reasons we now know and their bickering, more like mating ritual, is a thing of beauty. Sandy insulting Darren about him being a stereotypical jock with a twink obsession and giving his friends the most random fake names (Xerxes???) is something I will put in a special drawer inside my brain to take out when I’m feeling sad. I was as surprised as Sandy to see how much cuddly and adorable Darren was underneath all those layers of chest hair and muscles. Behind that smirk there is a New Kids on the Block fanboy and a ninja turtle husband and that makes him a keeper.

“As you can see,” I said into the microphone, “Darren’s loneliness is killing him.”
“No it’s not!” he said, loud enough for the microphone to pick it up.
“And he must confess that he still believes.”

I have 4 pages of quotes of this book. FOUR. This book has the kind of humour I love: I haven’t laughed this much for any other author ever. I can picture this book perfectly as a movie; you don’t even have to adapt it, it’s perfect just the way it is. Chapter after chapter the story takes shape inside your head and the characters become part of your soul. I love each one of them, even Santiago the slutty waiter. Each character is deep, real, and relatable; it could be you, it could be me, it could be your neighbor. Well, not MY neighbor, the hipster singer/pianist wannabe who likes to go out shoeless and shirtless with a guitar because, his words not mine, “people deserve to hear my music and be happy”. No, dear, nobody is happy with your music and your kid, poor soul, cries almost every time you start singing, so stop it.

He said, “You look good.”
I said, “I know. I do have a mirror.”

Do you know what else I loved about this book? Sandy is 31 years old, my age. We have very different lives, that’s true, but reading about someone my age is refreshing. Not the usual perfectly built teenager struggling with love. Don’t get me wrong, I love YA books but I need to read more books with people my age not really knowing what to do with themselves about their love lives or life in general. With these books I share some of their struggles and the romance shakes me with more intensity. I am your age and I also deserve someone giving me kisses and staring at me with lust in their eyes. It’s only fair.

Did I describe anything useful about this book? Maybe not, and perhaps that’s for the best because if I start writing about its beauty then I won’t be able to stop. That’s not a risk I’m willing to take so I recommend to read the book and enjoy it without knowing much about it. Read it in public, let people hear you laugh and wonder what the hell it is you are doing. Or you can read it like I did, inside a cocoon of pokemon sheets. There are no wrong choices.

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Tell Me It’s Real by T.J. Klune

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5stars

“Because sometimes it’s about letting go of what your mind tells you and following what your heart shows you instead. That’s how you know it will always be real.”

Title: Tell Me It’s Real
Author: T.J. Klune
Good things about this book: The randomness and sweetness of the characters.
Bad things about this book: The unnecessary sexism.
Do I recommend it? Yes, I will recommend it to everyone.
Rate: 5/5

Read the summary and add this book on Goodreads: here

I think it’s time to build this man, the amazing T.J. Klune, a statue meant for worshipping and human sacrifices. This is my third book by him and it’s a third 5-star review. All well deserved. This man gets me; he just really gets me! He can really write comedy books and I love him for that. I just feel so happy from start to finish when I read whatever he writes. How can a person be so funny? Funny in a way it may not be liked by everybody but it’s certainly loved by yours truly.

Most of the time when you hear stories like the one you’re about to, the narrator is this perfect specimen of man, whether he knows it or not.

Again, like with all the others reviews by this wonderful man, there are too many quotes to quote and not enough space to quote them all. Still, there are going to be tons of them. I’m not even remotely sorry. Enjoy.

“I’m not really the meet-people type. I’m more the… Quasimodo in the bell tower kind of guy.”

Paul is a chubby sinnamon roll. Yes, sinnamon because he has way too many dirty thoughts. He is like a perv angel. He has an extremely low self-esteem and tons of body issues because of his weight. He doesn’t see how beautiful he truly is because he spends his time comparing himself to every single other men on the planet. He obviously sees only perfectly fit specimens and it’s not healthy for his brain. He likes eating and there’s nothing wrong with that. He needs to see how everyone else sees him: a beautiful, sassy, funny, and beautiful guy who deserves all the love in the world.

I have blue eyes and I could tell you that they’re the color of ice that covers a frozen lake in the Himalayas, but that wouldn’t be exactly true.

I pictured him like David Fynn from the super funny tv show, that sadly and unfairly ended, called Undateable. Picture him without the beard. Isn’t he the perfect Paul? He’s adorable!

Paul’s best friend is the wonderful Sandy. He is like a brother to him and sees how perfect he is and hates how he whines about the way he looks, like he is never going to be good enough for anybody. I love Sandy with all my heart and I’m so happy he is going to be the main character of the second book of this series. Sandy has a drag queen alter ego called Helena Handbasket who is a mighty diva everyone is and should be afraid of (and in love with, of course!). She can be scary and is super protective of Paul. As Helena, she is fierce and has everyone at her feet. As Sandy, he is a regular guy, a little bit too skinny and wise as an owl.

“You’re like a dirty Dr. Seuss.”
“I’ll do you on the grass. I’ll do you during mass.”

I still don’t have a perfect fancast image for him and definitely don’t know how to picture Helena. I will think harder about them and come with great fancasts. I’m sure of it. Just wait.

“Anyway, he would have died had I not done the hemorrhoid maneuver.”
“Heimlich. It’s Heimlich.”

Vince comes like an unexpected knight with dimples to die for and he turns Paul’s life upside down. He has a crush on Paul immediately. He saw him from far away and he knew he was the one he wanted to be with. He just knew he was the one destined to be his other half. Vince is not the sharpest tool in the shed but he is honest, kind, full of love, adorable and when he wants something badly, he does everything in his power to get it. That’s how hard he pursued our Paul who thought he was Freddie Prinze Junioring him!! Yes, I have seen She’s all that many times and not once I thought Vince was doing that. He was so sincere from the beginning. His happiness every time Paul was being Paul was the sweetest thing I have ever pictured in my head. I get why Paul thought it couldn’t be true a man like him could be interested in someone like himself, being handsome, fit and having everyone all heart eyed everywhere he went. Paul, let him love you! Vince is also pretty naughty and has a butt that deserves all the awards. They are a great couple! (Also, great butt love quotes. Trust a butt lover!!)

“The Holy Grail of asses. If we lived in a world with fairies and elves, there would be epic quests to go get that ass. I wanted to bite it.”

He was so fucking happy to see me that it almost knocked me flat. I didn’t think I’d ever had anyone look at me like that. It was disconcerting. It was terrifying. It was fucking awesome.

When they say dimples I picture him almost immediately as Eddie Cibrian when he was younger. Give him darker eyes and he’s the one and only Vince. Hot and dreamy. Oh yeah he is.

His grin widened. Dimplepalooza. Dimplefest. Dimplenator 3000.

The review is obviously not completed without mentioning Paul’s two legged dog called Wheels and his amazing family. His parents are a hilarious pair, straightforward and, luckily for Paul, really open-minded. They are over sharers and I think that’s incredible! The conversations they have, oh my, I’m still laughing my butt off. Paul’s nana Gigi is a one of a kind lady, saying everything that comes to mind and giggling when her homophobic parrot makes fun of Paul for being gay. That’s a family nobody should ever be ashamed to introduce to a lover. That’s a family everyone will certainly love.

I love this book so much that I’m almost going to let the flaws go. Almost!! There were a little too many mentions of how having feelings and blushing was a thing girls do and that it was dumb. Having a vagina is not a weakness, people, not now not ever. If you are able to express your feelings and embrace your flaws there’s strength in you people that make fun of you clearly envy. Never think it’s girly to cry, to blush, to have deep feelings and be happy about silly things. Come on, it’s time for those absurdities to be over. Am I right?

LOVE LOVE LOVE. So much love for this and I recommend it to you and you, and also you that seem to be having doubts. I think everyone would enjoy this story about self-acceptance, love and family.

Did I already mention how much I love T.J. Klune?? Read what he wrote at the beginning of this book. Just read it. He’s precious.

If you have ever been told that you’re not skinny enough, smart enough, straight enough, beautiful enough, strong enough, masculine enough, or any other “enough” that made you feel less than you actually are, then, man, do I have something to tell you: this one is for you because you are perfect just the way you are.

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How To Be A Normal Person by T.J. Klune

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He looked ridiculous. And like the greatest thing Gus had ever seen.

Title: How To Be A Normal Person
Author: T.J. Klune
Why you should read this book: Because everyone needs to meet Gustavo!

Read the summary and add this book on Goodreads: here

“Gustavo,” Bertha greeted, holding the door open for the others. “I’m glad you’re alive today.”
“That’s debatable,” Gus said. “Every moment we live is another moment we’re already dying.”

Mr. Klune did it again. All the stars from me. My stomach is in pain because I laughed so much. Second book I’ve read and I can confirm I am in love with his writing style and I will recommend all his books to the (few) people I know and love. I won’t be recommending it to the people I hate, they don’t deserve these jewels. His books reviews will be always full of quotes because these quotes are gold!

“I smiled,” Gus insisted. “In the mirror this morning. It was awkward and I regret it ever happened.”

Meet Gus; full name Gustavo Tiberius. He is peculiar. He thinks of himself as abnormal. In my opinion he is nothing but a little bit peculiar and plenty interesting. I would love to be his friend and spend time with him, scowls and gnarls and everything. He hates with a passion Michael Bay and everything he does! Gus is the not-technological twin of Sheldon Cooper. They share many peculiarities but Gus is his own person and he is so special I want to instagram pictures of him only to see him getting annoyed and maybe blush a little bit. He doesn’t have the Internet, he owns a Nokia flip phone, he wears mostly black, runs a video rental store and frowns a lot. Lovely, isn’t he? I know I love him!

Its b4 9. I haz rspct 4u. Trust4life bcuz YOLO. xx =)

Meet Casey; full name Casey Richards. Casey is an asexual Californian stoner hipster (is that the correct order? Oh well) who so happened to moved in with his aunt Lottie in the same tiny town Gus lives. He thinks Gus is a wonderful human being. Casey is a writer of vampire/werewolves dystopian young adult books and loves to instagram everything. His hashtags are hilarious. He is a ray of sunshine that will break Gustavo’s routine and make everything better. Casey is everything Gus hates (read: a hipster from California) but he will be exactly what Gus needs to move on from his loneliness.

“I am not hyperventilating. I’m breathing heavily and regretting all my life’s choices.”

This is a story about two very different people who start out as friends, change for the best and they fall in love. There aren’t steamy parts because Casey isn’t interested in sex and that’s ok. He had a hard time figuring out who he was and now that that particular part of his life is clear, he is at peace. He loves hugging and is an amazing hugger. Aw, hugs are great! He loves to get high and smokes not only because of his glaucoma, or as he calls it, his stigmata, and when he is nervous but also because he enjoys it a lot.

Gus looked into his closet and groaned. “I’m a Gothic Repressed Suburban White Kid.”

Gus knows how special Casey is and doesn’t want to be abnormal because Casey deserves someone normal so, what to do? He gets the Internet and makes some weird researches. The websites he finds, oh my goodness. He finds tumblr, I can only imagine what he saw, and he will be scarred for life. The way Gus changes his appearance and the way he talks is hilarious because he takes everything he reads seriously and that results in some very awkward situations. And Gus in flip flops and hawaiian shirts. Thanks the heavens Casey finds Gus so charming everything he says make him smile, even the most absurd and random stuff. And there are a lot!

“I look like a gay Mormon missionary,” he lamented in the mirror. “Pardon me, have you heard the word of the Lord? It’s fabulous!” He scowled at his reflection.

I love that this book doesn’t have real sad parts or the usual part in movies in which the protagonists are apart from each other and they look sadly from their house’s window and mop. This is a happy book and it will make you smile. The main characters are charming, the side characters are hilarious and they complete the story and make it perfect.

“The second was Cape Fear with Gregory Peck and Robert Mitchum. The sexual chemistry between them was off the charts.”
“The sexual what now?” Gus choked out. “He was trying to kill him.”
“Exactly.”

So what exactly are the We Three Queens for each other? Friends? Sisters? Lesbians in a polyamorous relationship? What are they? I need to know but I am happy we never get that answer. But then again, I am so curious! I am going to demand a short story about them, some sort of spin off!

“What do you call it when Batman skips church?”
“I’m sure I have no idea.”
“Christian Bale.”

So many things that need to be said but I can’t tell you the whole book. I want to, trust me, but I can’t. I can tell you the telephone conversations between Gus and the girl from the Internet company are one of a kind and you will replay them in your head for comic relief whenever you’re feeling down, but maybe you won’t believe me. So, read the book. It has my approval and that, for your information, is one hell of a compliment!

People said he should smile more. He generally avoided those people.

Yeah, me too, Gus. Me, too!

Do I recommend it? Yes, 500% yes.
Rate: 5/5

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The Lightning-Struck Heart by T.J. Klune ☆

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I had a lightning-struck heart and my gods did it beat.

Title: The Lightning-Struck Heart
Author: T.J. Klune
Why you should read this book: Because it is one of the funniest and sweetest book I have read in a while.

Summary from Goodreads:

Once upon a time, in an alleyway in the slums of the City of Lockes, a young and somewhat lonely boy named Sam Haversford turns a group of teenage douchebags into stone completely by accident.

Of course, this catches the attention of a higher power, and Sam’s pulled from the only world he knows to become an apprentice to the King’s Wizard, Morgan of Shadows.

When Sam is fourteen, he enters the Dark Woods and returns with Gary, the hornless gay unicorn, and a half-giant named Tiggy, earning the moniker Sam of Wilds.

At fifteen, Sam learns what love truly is when a new knight arrives at the castle. Sir Ryan Foxheart, the dreamiest dream to have ever been dreamed.

Naturally, it all goes to hell through the years when Ryan dates the reprehensible Prince Justin, Sam can’t control his magic, a sexually aggressive dragon kidnaps the prince, and the King sends them on an epic quest to save Ryan’s boyfriend, all while Sam falls more in love with someone he can never have.

Or so he thinks.

“You know what they say, once you go dragon, all the rest is just laggin’.”
“No one says that,” I said. “Absolutely no one.”

This will be a review with many quotes because I loved every single word written in this book and I felt like sharing them with the world.
You’re welcome.

This book was a surprise (read: I F****** LOVE THIS BOOK — I don’t swear, I’m a princess); I really didn’t expect to love it this much. It’s one of my favorites and I will recommend it to everyone all the time. I was completely in love with it since the first page; seriously, first page. I highlighted more quotes in this book than I’ve ever done to any book ever. Even more quotes than The King’s Men, my other favorite. It is that great, trust me. Everyone needs to read it.

If I have to explain why I loved it so much, I wouldn’t be able to do it. It just felt right, the right amount of everything. So many humorous moments, so much sass and everything just felt wonderful. A kingdom in which you can love whoever you want, in which being different is not bad, everyone is accepted and it’s wonderful. Why it has to be difficult in real life? It shouldn’t, and that will always bother me.

“I don’t have time for all the relations and courting and wooing bullshit,” I said. “I’m a wizard. I have quests.”
“Uh, you’re an apprentice,” Gary said. “And you’re sent on errands.”

Sam of Wilds is the hilarious main character. He is an apprentice wizard and he is 95% fan boy, and 5% puns/jokes, all in the body of a gracious sexy hugger whom everyone seems to want to have sex with. His life is all kinds of absurd, danger follows him everywhere. Is he cursed? Of course not, but I don’t want to exclude it, it seems really weird that he finds himself in those awkward situations.

“Sam said he doesn’t have time for a boyfriend, much less Knight Delicious Face.”
“Remind me why you call him that?” Pete asked.
“Uh, pretty simple, Pete,” I said. “He’s a knight. And his face is delicious.”

Our delicious boy is crazy in love with the Knight Commander Ryan Foxheart, Prince Justin’s boyfriend. He loves him so much; he is also part of his fan club in which meetings he goes disguised as bearded Mervin, the only guy there.

I was too busy writing sad ballads to unrequited love in my head and planning a life where my hand would be my boyfriend.

Sam is really perv when it comes to Ryan, he says the most hilarious and embarrassing things when he thinks or talks about him. I think Sam is a national treasure and the world should worship him.

“Sam’s just dealing with some issues. He recently came to the realization that he’s a twenty-year-old virgin prude.”

And the winner for the best sidekick everyone wishes for is…..GARY, the hornless gay unicorn!! I’m trying to picture Gary but it’s so hard because there is so much about him. He is everything, EVERYTHING. It’s impossible to describe him. You know he is a unicorn without his horn, he is beautiful because, well yeah, he is a unicorn, a majestic magical creature. He is also the funniest unicorn in existence. How can you describe the perfect sidekick a mind could think of? The answer is, you can’t. You have to read this book and find out for yourself. Gary is the best and no one can deny it.

“Too bad you’re like my older sister. We could have been something special.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “Older? You’re seventy-six!”
“Boo, you whore,” he said.

When a unicorn is not enough to go on adventures with, having a half giant is what you’re looking for. Tiggy is sweet, deadly and adorable! He loves with all his half giant heart and if someone wants to hurt the ones he loves, he won’t hesitate to SMASH you! That’s right, SMASH YOU! Their trio is wonderful; they support each other, make so much fun of each other and save each other. They are family and it’s adorable.

“Sam never gonna find a boyfriend,” Tiggy said. “No one gonna take his flower.”

The wizards!! Morgan is Sam’s mentor and he has to live with all the weirdness that is Sam since he took him as his apprentice. Sorry, Morgan, that sounds like a hell of a job! Morgan is fun, a little cryptic and, even if he doesn’t want to show it too much, he loves Sam with all his heart, weirdness, puns and everything. Who can blame him? Sam is awesome.
Randall is the oldest wizard still alive; nobody knows how old he is. When you need someone to officiate a wedding, you call Randall. You also go to Randall to face the Trials, become a full wizard and acquire a wizard name that will bring fear and greatness to your life. In other words, Randall is fantastic! He is also funny as hell. This book is funny as hell, haven’t I already told you that I love this book?

“Because you love me,” I said, sounding smug.
“More like you grew on me,” he said. “Like fungus.”

Let’s talk about Ryan. Knight Commander, the prince’s fiancé, the love of Sam’s life, perfect human being, dashing and immaculate. That Ryan. He is clearly in love with Sam. It is so clear it’s painful to watch them interact. It is also super funny but that’s because with Sam, Ryan is a different person, he smiles a lot and it’s sassy beyond compare. If he loves Sam, why is he going to marry the prince? Ehhhh, you’ll see, you’ll suffer, you’ll cry! Maybe not cry, but you will suffer a bit. Don’t make my Sam cry, you beautiful monster!!

“Everything wants to have sex with him,” Ryan said. “Really?” Mama asked. “Everything. Imagine that.” “Dark wizards,” Ryan said. “Tiny men with wings. Fan clubs. Dragons. Guys with weird ears because apparently that’s sooooo cool and whatever, you know? We all have ears. Gods.”

Jealous much, pretty boy? Ryan was so jealous it was hilarious! Literally everyone in the kingdom could see how much they were in love with each other. Everyone but Sam, apparently, because he is oblivious, the most oblivious guy ever existed.

So what is going to happen when the dashing Knight Commander joins the magnificent trio, Sam, Gary and Tiggy to go rescue Prince Justin who was kidnapped by a Dragon?? Everything happens, people get molested by trees, tiny naked humans want to do nasty things with their tiny tongues, half elves want to taste every inch of skin on your body, flirting becomes very awkward to people around, and the truth may come out in the most random way ever.

Still not convinced? Let me look for another quote but, dears, there’s not enough space for me to write them all. Everything about this book is perfection.

Pretty much an all-consuming, forever kind of love that is really gross for other people to witness because I want to stare lovingly in his eyes and call him boo and mini-muffin. It’s awful to say that out loud. I know.

This is it, that’s the feeling, that’s the struggle. Sam, I feel you!

I’ll wrap this up with what I think summarize perfectly why I love this book:

I looked at them. A hornless gay unicorn built out of rainbows and bitchiness. A half-giant who wanted to smash everything. A dragon who winked and flicked his tongue at me. A prince who I wanted to protect but also punch in the face. A knight I had a heart boner for. “We’re doomed,” I moaned again. “Doomed.”

Do I recommend it? Yes, read it RIGHT NOW.
Rate: 5+++/5
☆: It made my “favourite books” list

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