Ten Simple Tips for Surviving the Apocalypse by Cari Z.


There was home, and for me it was objectively a place but subjectively a person.

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Title: Ten Simple Tips for Surviving the Apocalypse
Author: Cari Z.
Why you should read this book: Because it’s a short story about a plague that makes you purple and cool unless, of course, it transforms you into a monster or kills you.

I don’t remember how exactly I came to find this story but I’m glad I did because it has humour, adventure, a road trip, the apocalypse, romance and two very different but equally charismatic characters.
It has a “The walking dead” kind of vibe and also a little “Avatar” in it. Avatar-ish, just because the ones with the plague have purple skin, claws, bright yellow eyes and white hair; I thought it was a hot look. HOT!

The truth will not set you free during the apocalypse, folks.

The main character is Javi; he wrote this guide to help whomever finds him/herself in an apocalypse to survive. Ten simple tips that will make us know him better and also know better the plague that is mutating human beings and animals into raging monsters. Javi is fun and a pun enthusiast and he has seen and experienced so many ugly things since the plague started. He travels by bike and his destination is his grandfather’s cabin where he may be reunited with his family, hoping they may be still alive.

I made everything into a pun—shut up, puns are the most accessible form of humor.

On his way he meets Conrad and they start traveling together. Conrad is a little bit mysterious and he is affected by the plague that is changing his looks. Javi and Conrad start out as frenemies but of course their relationship is destined to become something else, something more. They spoon every night to keep themselves warm; cuddling companions, how cute is that?

Yep, there it was, the rumble of a genuine chuckle. If there was a god, I hoped I got some points for offering my name up as a sacrificial humor lamb.

I don’t have troubles picturing mutant Conrad in my head: a beautiful purple man, long white hair, claws instead of nails, yellow eyes like the sun and vampire-ish canines. Hot, right? I thought he looked hot.

Conrad frowned. “I never had Botox.”
“Whatever, dude, your forehead was not natural when we first met, is all I’m saying.”

Their interactions are really interesting and funny. Javi loves Shakespeare and carries a 5-pound book with all his works. He torments poor Conrad with his readings and Conrad repays poor Javi singing awfully the same song over and over again. Aren’t they adorable? Even before being something more for each other, they already behave like a married couple.

He put both his hands back down, then did some weird shimmy that ended with his whole body arched, hips low to the ground, head back. It was either some sort of yoga move or something he’d psychically copied out of one of my sexual fantasies.

The story is too short but it’s satisfying and even if it leaves you longing for more, you are left happy with the ending. It’s incredible how the author did in such few pages, I fell in love with both of the characters, I got scared of the plague and it made me realize I have to get fit if I want to survive the pending apocalypse. There’s a lot of running involved and I’m not ready!

“I don’t frown,” I objected.
“I thought it was a kinder description than ‘resting bitch face.’”

Do I recommend it? Yes, it’s funny and really interesting.
Rate: 5/5