The Queen & the Homo Jock King by T.J. Klune



“Thin line between love and hate and blah, blah, blah.”

Title: The Queen & the Homo Jock King
Author: T.J. Klune
Good things about this book: It is adorable and everyone is lovely. Also BRITNEY!
Bad things about this book: Nothing.
Do I recommend it? Yes, everyone should read it.
Rate: 5/5

Read the summary and add this book on Goodreads: here

Don’t ever let a book cover decide its readability! Never! Well, read the summary first, also see the ratings and maybe read one or two non-spoilery reviews, but NO, don’t refuse to give a book a chance because its cover is, I’ll just say it, kind of ugly. I have found myself in love with books with questioning covers and my reading life has been better ever since.

In the first book of this wonderful series Paul was the main character, Sandy the sidekick bff and Vince the love interest. In this equally wonderful sequel, Sandy is the main character, the sidekicks are just so many and Darren, the Homo Jock King is the love interest. Not just any love interest but Sandy’s all time nemesis.

“He was going to convince Darren to dress like Nick Carter from the Backstreet Boys for Halloween.”
“My greatest weakness,” I breathed.

We finally find out why Sandy hates Darren so much and how much of that hate it’s only the sexual tension everyone seems to have noticed. We see a lot of Sandy but also a lot of Helena, his drag queen alter ego and it is glorious. Helena says whatever she wants to say. She is bitchy, sassy and purrs quite a lot. Sandy and Helena might share the same body but they’re definitely not the same person even if Helena likes to come out to play often when Sandy is around.

“This is totally what happened. You just aren’t remembering right. Probably one too many hits on the head from when you were playing Ultimate Frisbee or whatever it is homo jocks do when they congregate.”

Sandy think of Darren as his enemy for reasons we now know and their bickering, more like mating ritual, is a thing of beauty. Sandy insulting Darren about him being a stereotypical jock with a twink obsession and giving his friends the most random fake names (Xerxes???) is something I will put in a special drawer inside my brain to take out when I’m feeling sad. I was as surprised as Sandy to see how much cuddly and adorable Darren was underneath all those layers of chest hair and muscles. Behind that smirk there is a New Kids on the Block fanboy and a ninja turtle husband and that makes him a keeper.

“As you can see,” I said into the microphone, “Darren’s loneliness is killing him.”
“No it’s not!” he said, loud enough for the microphone to pick it up.
“And he must confess that he still believes.”

I have 4 pages of quotes of this book. FOUR. This book has the kind of humour I love: I haven’t laughed this much for any other author ever. I can picture this book perfectly as a movie; you don’t even have to adapt it, it’s perfect just the way it is. Chapter after chapter the story takes shape inside your head and the characters become part of your soul. I love each one of them, even Santiago the slutty waiter. Each character is deep, real, and relatable; it could be you, it could be me, it could be your neighbor. Well, not MY neighbor, the hipster singer/pianist wannabe who likes to go out shoeless and shirtless with a guitar because, his words not mine, “people deserve to hear my music and be happy”. No, dear, nobody is happy with your music and your kid, poor soul, cries almost every time you start singing, so stop it.

He said, “You look good.”
I said, “I know. I do have a mirror.”

Do you know what else I loved about this book? Sandy is 31 years old, my age. We have very different lives, that’s true, but reading about someone my age is refreshing. Not the usual perfectly built teenager struggling with love. Don’t get me wrong, I love YA books but I need to read more books with people my age not really knowing what to do with themselves about their love lives or life in general. With these books I share some of their struggles and the romance shakes me with more intensity. I am your age and I also deserve someone giving me kisses and staring at me with lust in their eyes. It’s only fair.

Did I describe anything useful about this book? Maybe not, and perhaps that’s for the best because if I start writing about its beauty then I won’t be able to stop. That’s not a risk I’m willing to take so I recommend to read the book and enjoy it without knowing much about it. Read it in public, let people hear you laugh and wonder what the hell it is you are doing. Or you can read it like I did, inside a cocoon of pokemon sheets. There are no wrong choices.